Kids Count on You to Help Them Learn About Right and Wrong

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DANGER PROOF AREAS. Children, especially young toddlers love to explore. Touching, pulling, grabbing and eating are just a few of the ways young children find out about their environment. Danger- proofing will help you have more positive interactions with your children. You'll find yourself saying "No" less often.

ESTABLISH CLEAR RULES. All children need rules. Rules help children learn right from wrong. Rules establish consistent guidelines that help everyone know what is expected and encourages children to take responsibility for their own behavior. Children can begin to follow rules when they can understand the difference between good and bad; verbally use words to express how they think and feel and can contribute in creating the rules. Remember, infants are too young to follow the rules and should not be held responsible for not following the rules.

CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES. Providing children with these is an excellent way of empowering children and teaching them how to manage their own behavior. Children will learn to associate "If I do______ this will happen."  Use this simple formula to give your children choices:

"(child's name), you have a choice; You can do either (a) or (b);

If you choose (a), then will happen;

if you choose (b), then will happen;

"What's your choice?"

I MESSAGES. Using messages allows you to let your child know that you are unhappy with their behavior. It is a discipline technique that helps the child understand that they are not "bad," but it is their behavior that is "unacceptable."

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How to use I Messages:

(1)  State what you see. ("I see that you took the crayons off the shelf without asking permission.")

(2)  State how the behavior makes you feel. ("When that happens, it makes me feel frustrated that you are not willing to follow the rules.")

(3)  State what you want to happen. ("it is a rule in our house that you don't use crayons without permission. Do not take the crayons off the shelf without first asking an adult for permission.")

(4) Let the child know what will happen if the behavior happens again. ("If you are not able to do this you will not be able to color with the crayons this afternoon.")

IGNORING. Is a form of discipline that is good at stopping behavior that is irritating; such as whining, temper tantrums, etc. Before you use ignoring, make sure that the child will not be physically harmed and that property damage is unlikely. How to Ignore:

(1) Pay no attention to the behavior. Dream your favorite daydream;

(2) Even though the behavior may get worse; don't give in;

(3) When the behavior stops, praise the child immediately,

(4) Convince others to ignore the behavior; and

(5) Be consistent.

REWARDS. Children deserve rewards. Rewards can be a powerful way of helping children learn to behave. Children will do more for a reward than they will avoid doing out of fear of punishment.

Types of Rewards:

Praise can be the most powerful reward a child, or anyone, can receive. Use praise for "Being" ("I love you, "You're great!") and praise for "Doing" ("What a great job you did of cleaning your room!").

Nurturing Touches are gentle hugs, soft strokes on a child's back, gently rocking back and forth. Praise and nurturing touches together are a great combination!

Privileges serve as excellent rewards. A privilege can be extra play time, getting an extra story, or other things that children enjoy. Privileges should never include the child's basic needs like food, security, love or trust.

Objects can be used to reward a child. These can include almost anything from stickers to toys.

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WHAT IS CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT?

PHYSICAL ABUSE. Physical abuse is any non-accidental injury to a child under the age of 18 by a parent, caretaker, household or family member. It may include excessive physical punishments, burns or human bites with resulting bruises and welts, broken bones or internal injuries.

REMEMBER: Child abuse may result from over discipline or from punishment that is too severe.

NEGLECT. Child neglect is the chronic failure of a parent, caretaker, household or family member to provide a child under 18 with basic needs of life, such as: food, clothing, shelter, medical care, attention to hygiene, educational opportunity, protection, and supervision.

REMEMBER: Cultural standards which differ from those of most of the community are not necessarily neglect.

SEXUAL ABUSE. Child sexual abuse is the exploitation of a child or adolescent under the age of 18 for the sexual gratification of a parent, caretaker, household or family member. Included is behavior such as intercourse, sodomy, exhibitionism, fondling, voyeurism, and the involvement of a child in prostitution or the production of pornography.

REMEMBER: Children should be believed when they say someone has molested them.

WHEN AND HOW DO I REPORT SUSPECTED CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT?

A report should be made when there is reason to SUSPECT that a child or adolescent has been abused or neglected. A report of suspected child abuse is only a request for an investigation. The person making the report does not need to prove the abuse or neglect. Investigation and determination of results are the responsibility of Child Protection Service workers and the police. A person may make an anonymous report. if a report of child abuse or neglect is made "in good faith," the reporting source is immune from both civil and criminal liability.

REMEMBER: The person making the report does not need to prove the abuse or the neglect.

Published courtesy of Prevent Child Abuse, North Carolina

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