Parents' Survival Tips

Welcome to the world of parenthood! Why didn't someone tell you there were going to be days when you would feel:

old before your time,

tired before 11 a.m.,

and too upset to think straight?

The fact is you're a parent now, and those children are yours. But, you're not alone (lots of parents feel the way you do), and things can get better. So, take a few moments just for yourself, and learn how to make the rewards of parenting equal the demands.

Getting to Know Your Kids

One of the nicest things about being a parent is you don't have to know everything. The job, the child, grows gradually. There's on-the-job training.

Birth to One Year

Learn the basics. How do you bathe a baby? Or help. just make sure the chores fit each child's change a diaper? You can learn! Read, ask an expert, talk to your parents and other parents.

Love your baby. Give all you've got! Talk to your baby, touch - hold, hug, kiss - smile, and enjoy! It's impossible to spoil a baby.

Discover what's what. Pay close attention to all the sounds (cooing, babbling, gurgling, and crying) your baby makes, as well as facial expressions and body movements. Each one means something different.

Never use physical force. The pressures of parenting are very real. You need to find safe, satisfying ways to release them, but never on your baby.

Toddlerhood

Take a deep breath. The assault on your house, your personal belongings this, too, shall pass. Right now, to your toddler, everything's new, exciting and just waiting to be explored.

Childproof your house. Pack away your treasures, and lock up any dangerous or poisonous items. You'll breathe a lot easier, and you won't have to say "NO" so often.

Keep the rules simple and few. Your goal is to keep your toddler safe. Table manners can wait! And, so can toilet training.

School Age

Show your interest. Check homework, talk about what's happening in school, ask their friends over, and find time to see your children's teacher occasionally.

Communicate. If there's a single golden rule for parents, it's this: Talk to your children. (And listen too.)

Assign kid-sized chores. Kids this age love to help. just make sure the chores fit each child's capabilities. Nothing makes a child lose interest faster than having to do something too difficult, or too easy.

Adolescence

Refuse to get confused. Part of growing up is acting like a two-year-old and an adult, all in the same day. Expect your teen to do this, and be prepared to comfort, reassure and, on occasion, look the other way.

Face the facts. Your teen will probably say "I know that," when you talk about the facts of life, but do it anyway. As a parent you're the only one who can share the values that go with the facts!

Let your affection show. Cool the physical demonstrations (especially when their friends are around), but make it loud and clear: You care!

Cut those apron strings. Old values, taught from the cradle, may fade away during the teen years, but they come back-along with grown-up children you'll be proud to know. Trust your teens to make it all the way.

Discipline

Nothing helps your survival as a parent more than discipline. But, to be effective, discipline must teach a child how to avoid repeating misbehavior and what it to do instead. It should also be given in doses that fi the age of the child.

A Few More Specifics

Babies are never candidates for discipline. They're too little!

Use discipline sparingly. All children react better to approval and affection!

Review expectations regularly. There are no perfect children, just as there are no perfect Parents. If your children are not meeting your expectations, the expectations probably need changing, not the children.

Shame, rejection, withdrawal of affection, or preferential treatment of one child over another have no place in discipline.

Help them be their best. Use words like:

"Good for you!," "I'm proud of you!," "That's right!," "You waited so well!," "You're really growing up!," "I love you!," "I knew you could do it!," "Thank you," "I like to play with you"

If you know a parent in need…

Give him or her a break. Offer to take care of the kids for a while.

Be a good listener. Make yourself available to listen without being judgmental.

Encourage them to join a parenting group. They'll receive support and information.

Printed courtesy of North Carolina Prevent Child Abuse